Friday, May 18, 2012

Priapism..... and other stuff

So my oldest daughter over heard me joking with the Bestie about Priapism, and of course being the wonderful, insightful ( aka smart assed, wants to destroy my sanity ) child that she is. Asked what it is.

So what do I do? I told her to ask her father on her visit with him next week... (heehee, I'll be dammed if I'm going to cause mental distress to her)

Bad Luck for me, while she is what I think is too young to know this, my 15 year old niece was in the room too. And I am all about making my sister's life hell, so I decided to tell her. The convo went like this:

A: Ok, what's the deal, What is it?
Me: You really want to know that?
A: DUH, I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know
Me: Ohhhhh kay....... ( long ass pause where I am trying to figure out the best way to put this)
A: HELLO?!?!?!?!
Me: Well, you know how boys have penises?
A: Duh, I had a baby 2 months ago, I know how that shit works. ( Lil Brat got knocked up at 14, and completely shattered my image of her)
Me: ( thinking ok you little smart ass), Fine then! Priapism is when a man gets a boner and it won't go down.
A: And they can die from it?
Me: NOO, it's not very likely to die from it, They will just lose the use of their penis if it doesn't get corrected.
A: Ohhh
Me: Are we done here?
A: Sure
ME: ( being the responsible adult I am ) Oh and if a boy tells you that they have priapism and that you have to do something to fix it or they will die, you tell them to fuck off, they can go to the hospital and get a shot in their junk to fix it!!!

What did I do to deserve this kind of torture?

So I decided that since Mackenzie is old enough to ask, that I need to have the "talk"  with her. Not very in depth mind you, just a quick painless explanation about where babies come from, and that she must not ever have sex until she is in a committed loving relationship. ( I know not to kid myself by telling her to wait for marriage) . I think I got the point across when she ran from the room screaming "EWWWWWWWW Mommy that's NASTY"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think I have done a good job of scaring her away from any further questions for awhile, or at least I hope so.........................

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