Friday, August 24, 2012

Letter for Mom

I'm having a hard time lately . I miss My Mom so very much. So maybe writing a letter to her will help me some?

Dear Mommy,

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I miss you more than words can say. And the pain I still feel , even tho you have been gone for 4 years now is indescribable. I feel like there is a giant jagged hole in my heart.

I am sorry for so many things I said to you. And I wish I could take them all back. I wish I could have been a better daughter. I wish I had spent more time with you. And hadn't been such a selfish little shit. I know now, looking at my own daughters, you only did what you did because you wanted me to be a better person.

I wish I could have had a few more years with you. Not just for me, but for the girls.
Mackenzie was your little Squeaky. And she was so close to you. I wish you were here to see what a beautiful, smart little girl she has become.

Breanna, well what can I say about her. She is rotten. But she really does have a big heart.

And then there is Victoria, we call her Tori for short. We named her after you. And you would love her so much.

I wish you could have met Donald. You would love him! He is so good to me and the kids. He saved me.  I was such a mess after the accident. Doing things that I shouldn't have been doing. And he got me away from all that. We never fight. He is truly my soul mate.

Mommy, I'm tired. I am tired of hurting. Tired of crying. I want you here with us like you should be. I just don't know what to do. I am so lost with out you.

There are days that I wish that me and the girls had been in the car with you. Then we could still all be together. And there are nights that I hope that I won't wake up in the morning, just so that I can be with you again. But I never want the girls to know the pain that I'm in. I just couldn't do that to them.

I hope you and Dad, and Papaw are having a good reunion there in Heaven. I miss him too. Please tell him that we love him.

All I know is that I want my Mommy! I need you here with me. I'm really not strong enough to do this without you.

I just want you to know, that I love you with all my heart and I always will. And I miss you.



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