Sunday, December 16, 2012

The why's?

I'm sure I am not the only person on this planet that is saddened, horrified, and confused about the killings at Sandy Hook's Elementary school that transpired this past Friday.  I shook me to the very core of my being. And I could not begin to imagine the loss those closest to the community are feeling.

I know that many of us wake early in the morning, do quite a bit of fussing to get the littles out the door in time in the mornings to catch the bus. We walk them to the bus stop, kiss their little heads, hug their warm little bodies, and wish them to have a great day. We tell them that we love them and that we will see them when they get home. Or at least that is the way it should happen. Now I find myself wondering if after sending my children safely off to school if they will in fact return home.

Things like this should NEVER happen. We live in America damnit! I would understand that fear if we lived in the middle east where there are terrorist and suicide bombers on every corner. Things like this shouldn't happen here.

I'm hearing a lot of gun control talk. That is complete and utter bull shit. Guns do not kill people. People kill people. Then I'm hearing the whole "The system failed the shooter", "We need better mental health care", You know what, kiss my ass. The system didn't fail the shooter. The system failed 20 innocent children, babies that were just starting life! The system failed 6 adults, people that dedicated their lives to enrich the life and educate  those babies!

The sad things... This could happen to any of us.

I don't know the shooters back story. Nor do I care to. That man was a evil , vile ,  piece of trash! And he took the bitch way out by taking his own life!

I hear, " We never know God's plan" .... You know what? Eff that too. God had no part of this. It was the work of the Devil!

All I can say is, hold your babies a little tighter. Make sure they know that they are loved. Kiss them every night. Cherish every second that you get with them. You never know when it will be the last time you say " I love you baby, have a good day at school, and I will see you when you get home".

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your Kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom,
the power and the glory are yours.
Now and for ever.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Self Pity

Ok, I am a hot mess today.

I have been laying around feeling sorry for myself.

This is the 1st Christmas without my Papaw being here.

The 1st Christmas we will have without Baja.

The 4th Christmas without my Mom and Dad.

And damnit all to Hell, it sucks Rudolph balls!  I miss them so very much. There are so many awesome things they have missed. So it may take me a bit of time to crawl out of this hole of self pity I have dug.............

8 days to go

Not really sure what is on the list today other than ordering pizza and researching proper Zombie killing techniques.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

9 days left :O

Okay, we have 9 days left. Plenty of time to get  ready for Z-Day.

Once again my plan for the day was to clean, but I got so involved with watching Caliou ( don't judge me, I like to criticize his parents, and yell at him for being so damn winy ) with Tori, I figured I can live with a messy house. AND when the ZA happens it will be more like an obstacle course for the Zombies than manage to enter my home. So it may end up saving our lives instead....

So today's list item will be:

SLEEP, yeah I know it sounds simple. But I want to sleep as much as possible before I enter the eternal dirt nap, just to reanimate and eat my loved one's brains.

Ya know , I just noticed that this really isn't much of a bucket list. It's more of an Apocalypse game plan. I don't really have anything I want to do before I die. I'm pretty simple like that. I have no desire to jump off a bridge or go sky diving. I know how my luck works.

Ohhh, and I need to figure out how to get all my men folk captured. It should be pretty easy. All I got to do is explain that the ZA is going to happen and that Z-Day is fast approaching and that if they want to live they must come with me and reproduce. The world is in our hands. And WE CAN DO IT!!! ( over and over, and over).

I also remembered a very important man that I must get for Team Z , are you ready for this? He is a VERY important person and have a ton of experience in taking down zombies.

Norman Reedus ( aka Daryl from the Walking Dead )

Yep we have to have him. He is a bad mofo, and he looks all swoonyfied ( new word?) when he is feeding a newborn baby!!! So he has many great talents!

Also now may be a good time to start gathering up weapons.
It doesn't have to be a bad ass gun. Gun shots attract walkers, and I'm the type of girl that could only take down one at a time.

A crossbow would be an excellent choice. Or a regular bow. But also plain ole tools that you will find in Hubby's tool box and garage would work fine. A screw driver to the eye works fantastically  A shovel, an ax, hell stock up on big pointy sticks. Just remember when the ZA happens, GO FOR THE HEAD!!! Any other body part on a zombie is a waste of time and a waste of your valuable energy.

We may want to start stocking up on canned foods about now. Doing this now we are way ahead of the crowd that doesn't know that Z-Day is fast approaching.

OKay?, What are you waiting for? Get you ass away from the computer and start gathering everything we need!!! I will be working on our men!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Joni's bucket list ( 10 day countdown Bitches!!!)

Seeing how the world could/could not/ most likely will not end in 10 short days, I figured it was time for me to write up my bucket list.  Are Y'all ready for a wild ride of crazy?

Item 1:  The plan for today was to detail clean and organize the holy crap out of this house, but seeing how it is now 2pm and I have yet to move my fat ass   perfectly formed behind out of this chair, I need to be a little more realistic.

So my number 1 item will be : gather all necessary materials for the ZA ( that's Zombie Apocalypse for those of you that don't know, but you should know, because this is a world wide epidemic that may be the very source for the end of life as we know it on December 21st, which will be further referenced to as Z-Day).

Now part of this prepairdness that I must adhere to is to gather all my fave men folk ( purely for reproductive needs , aww hell who am I kidding, because I am a lady horn dog and they make my lady bits all tingly). So we I must figure out a game plan for this. I need to coerce abduct:

1: Johnny Depp

2. Kieth Urban ( That bitch Nicole Kidman  can get her face chewed off for all I care)
3. Channing Tatum
4. Brantley Gilbert
5. Brett Michaels
6. And this beautiful piece of man candy ( aka The Walking Orgasm who shall remain nameless due to secrecy, and me and his other girlfriends a very special group of ladies, we do not wish to share him. Also for this reason his picture will not be stolen from his Facebook page because we stalk respect his privacy, and mainly because we don't want anyone else to hone in on what is ours.

That is stage one of my Z-day plan.

Tune in tomorrow for stage 2, and God only knows what else....

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


This is Baja. My wonderful sweet puppy. We lost him Sunday evening when he ran into the road and got hit by a jeep.  I am trying to come to terms with this. I spent a good 3 hours crying today. I miss him so much and the house feels so empty without him. I miss and love you Buddy. Rip...............

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Who ME?!?!?!

Okay, okay, I admit it. I am a Fan girl. I am a Twihard and my year long wait since the last installation has been the longest of my life. There I said it. I am impatiently waiting for Breaking Dawn part 2 to come to my theater tomorrow night. I bought my ticket weeks ago, and don't mind at all that I am going to see it alone. I get the heart palpitations just thinking about it. I have been on official countdown for the better part of a month, and I'm finally in the home stretch. YAY ME!!!

Okay, other than that breaking news, I have truly been a suck ass blogger, and for that I apologize.  I promise to do better for now on. I have been in a bit of a dry spell and my life has been pretty uneventful. And I wasn't feeling very creative.

In the past week I have been trying to teach myself to crochet.... and I suck ass at it!!!

I have had world war 3 with the eldest Darlings school, a war that I claimed VICTORY in mind you!

I went to my baby cousins baby shower,which just added fuel to the fire of my baby fever.

And we had family pictures done this past Sunday. And without further ado here are our top pics of Fall 2012:

                                                    I just LOVE her face in this one!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                        Awe look, we do love each other :)

                                        I call this one, " YOU WILL LOVE YOUR SISTER!"

I think we have a pretty cute family :)

Monday, October 15, 2012

Bullying stops here!!!!!

Do you know this girl? Probably not. She has gotten quite a bit of attention since October 10, 2012 tho. Why? Well if you aren't aware, this girl felt she had no other way out,  by committing suicide.  The cause? Excessive bullying.

Even after changing schools multiple times it followed her.

Amanda Todd left a heart felt message on YouTube telling her story a month before she could no longer take it If you haven't seen the video here it is.

This video truly brought tears to my eyes.

The statistics are terrifying.  It's estimated that 500,000 teenagers try to kill themselves every year, and about 5000 succeed.  That's right up there with cancer and homicide. 

I did not know Amanda Todd, yet I look at her and I can easily see any young adult that I come in contact with. Even my own children.

As a parent you want to protect your children. What can you do? You see your baby hurting and no matter what you just can't make the pain go away. 

It is OUR job as parents to advocate for those that can not. To try to prevent this from happening to another child. It is our responsibility to teach our children to embrace each other's differences, and to not ridicule because of flaws and mistakes. Because quite honestly, even tho they are teens and think they have the world by the balls and know everything.... They do not! And they too will make mistakes. 

Bullying is NEVER okay! Words hurt, they cut like a knife right through the soul, and the scars inflicted will always be there. 

We need to make a change now before one of our own children become a victim. We need to advocate to stricter punishment in the schools. A ZERO bully policy. There need to be laws put in place with severe punishment. The warnings and slaps on the wrists just aren't cutting it anymore. 

With Amanda Todd, I have noticed on her memorial page, that even tho she is no longer here, the bullying continues. I see these young people commenting that she deserved it because she showed her breast to a man. It was a man that she thought she could trust. She deserved it because she slept with another girls girlfriend. She was a child that made a mistake and paid the ultimate price because they just couldn't drop the issue.  I see a lot of she is in Hell because she committed suicide. I for one do not believe that for a minute! When it is your time it is your time. That is the way that God brought her home. I have to believe that. I have seen first hand horrible suicide attempts gone wrong. Where the person should have died but didn't.  

I am saddened and outraged. 

Things need to change and they start here!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

I got this!!!

Well this week the lovely folks over at Blogger Idol have engineered a new play at home challenge. A day in your life.... as the opposite sex. Heehee so here we go.

I rolled over at 5:25AM this morning to smash the alarm clock against the wall. Who the fuck does it think it is? I have no right getting up at this ungodly hour. I stomp to the bathroom to use the lil" girls room and low and behold I HAVE A PENIS!!! This is friggin awesome I think to myself. I have ALWAYS wanted a penis of my own. I stand in front of the toilet admiring my new appendage. Then it occurs to me..... I have no idea how it works.  I forgo my need to piss to google just how one uses such a thing. But there were no how to videos on YouTube teaching a used to be squatter how to take a proper leak standing up. So I go for it, and let me tell you , that shit is hard. I completely missed my target and hit the ceiling. Thankfully as a used to be vagina owner I know the proper ways to get urine off the wall and ceiling.

Onward to wake the children up to get ready for school. My usual high pitched get the hell up took about 20 minutes to result in them even starting to stir. My man voice, they were out of that bed in 2 seconds flat.

I go to gently wake the Hubby up for work... Let's just say that didn't end well.

I shoo everyone out the door and start on my daily activities.

Shower... check. Spent much longer getting clean than usual. Having a penis and balls sure is different. My regular girly panties didn't fit right. So I went commando.

Somehow no matter what I was doing my hands always found their way into my pants to fondle my new body part.

The older kids get home from school and were pure hell children. Normally punishing them is a giant pain in the ass. But since I now have a dick, they snap to attention like never before.

I feed the kids and it's off to bed.

I fall blissfully asleep holding my newest addition.

"Mom, Mom, WAKE UP!!"

What the fuck?!?! Don't tell me I dreamed all that.....

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A pain like no other

There is not a person that I know that hasn't experienced a loss of a loved one. A Dear friend of mine just joined that exclusive club that I hope to NEVER even receive an invitation from. One that doesn't even have a name. When you lose your parents you are an orphan, but to lose a child is so terrible it doesn't even have a name to associate it's self with.

Her sweet 6 year old son Will passed tragically while he was in the safety of his own bed, in his own house with his loving family not far from him.

I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain and torment of what she is going through. And I don't even want to try to put myself in her shoes.

I can somewhat feel her pain when I look at my own children. One of which is the same age as her son was. And to try to picture my life without any of my girls is to much to bare.

I have cried for this little boy and his family. I have anger at a God that would take someone that has only been here on this Earth for such a short time. I have questions that I am sure are going through everyone's mind.

Did he wake up during this? Did he go peacefully in his sleep?

I just don't understand how this could happen.

These past few days, I have held my children a little closer at night. I have told them I love you so many times that they are sick of hearing it and instead of saying "I love you to, Mommy" they now reply with an "I know".

Once again life has smacked me down and told me that you can lose someone no matter their age or health in the blink on an eye.

So my wonderful friends, I want you all to know that I love you. Because you never know when your last I love you and sweet tuck in of your little ones will be your last.

Rest in peace Sweet Boy. You may be gone but I can guarantee that you will NEVER be forgotten.

Whatever our hands touch---
We leave fingerprints!
On walls, on furniture,
On doorknobs, dishes, books,
As we touch we leave our identity.

Oh please where ever I go today,
Help me leave heartprints!
Heartprints of compassion
Of understanding and love.
Heartprints of kindness and genuine concern.

May my heart touch a lonely neighbor
Or a runaway daughter,
Or an anxious mother,
Or, perhaps, a dear friend!

I shall go out today
To leave heartprints,
And if someone should say
"I felt your touch,"
May that one sense be...YOUR LOVE
Touching through ME.
(Author Unknown)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


It's hard to exact the perfect punishment on your children after they have been total Asshat's! Which is why I love that my older two littles are at the loose tooth age. I love the cat and mouse game. "No Mommy don't pull it", to which you reply " I'm not going to pull it, I just want to wiggle it", then when they least expect it, you yank that bitch out! I love this! I love the horrified look on their little faces and how they dash to the nearest mirror to see what you have done to them. They yell at you for lying to them, and then get all excited about the tooth fairy coming to see them.

As it is, I have a box full of baby teeth that I have yanked out. I am thinking about having a necklace made out of them. Hubby says that is morbid. But to that I say.... Oh well. I think it would put the fear into their little beating hearts to see Mommy wearing a necklace made of teeth.

I have decided that Karma is a true Bitch! I pulled a total of 3 teeth out Saturday. Which is a record for me. I may have enjoyed the teeth pulling excitement too much. Late Sunday night I slammed my two little toes on the wall and broke them.

So for now on. Hubby can do all the teeth pulling!

Thursday, September 6, 2012


     It's that time of year again. The time kids love and we parents loathe. In a blink of the eye it will be Christmas morning.

     All of our hard earned money (or in my case, the Hubby's hard earned money) will fly out of our wallets at record speed.
     We are gearing up for the take off of the Holiday season. Starting with Halloween just next month. And the kids are testing my costume making/ shopping abilities. Where do they get these crazy ideas from? Oh yeah that's right. Stupid teny bopper T.V shows. Then on to Thanksgiving. Where we are forced to spend time with people that really know how to push out buttons, and work on my cooking skills, or lack there of. All the while I am steadily working on purchasing the perfect Christmas presents for not just our children, but extended family as well.

     The kids big gifts this year are really going to push my deal finding strategy. On the list is already a new 4-wheeler for the oldest. Which also means that She will need safety equipment.  The middle child wants a Go-Kart. More safety equipment. And the youngest will be getting a snazzy new Power Wheels. Not to mention all the clothes I will be getting them, and non-Santa related toys.

     I can no longer wait for the days when a simple gift card to their favorite store will suffice as the perfect gift. HOW MUCH LONGER CAN I TAKE THIS!!

    Hubby thinks we should just save money until Black Friday. He is absolutely bat shit crazy. After last year, I have swore off any further Black Friday shopping. My fragile nerves can not handle to crowd or the fighting over the last popular toy. If I go again he will surly be bonding me out of jail.

     Can I just go to bed and not wake up till New Year's???

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Baby steps

       Yesterday I had a HUGE interview. If hired Y'all would know the new Office Manager/ Optometrist Assistant for Dr's Newman, Blackstock and Associates Optometry.

     I have though long and hard about going back to work. And I think I'm ready to give it a go. I really do miss working, and adult conversations. Not to mention company paid health care, and a constant paycheck.

     Now the hard part. If hired, what do I do with my kids? The baby has never stayed with anyone but us before. And Mack and Bree have only ever been watched by family.

How would someone handle and love my children like I do?

How do I avoid hiring psycho Nanny? What questions do I need to ask? Do I need to do drug testing and background checks?

Would they know what to do in case of an emergency? Will they still watch the kids if they are sick, so neither the Hubs or I have to miss work?


On the bright side, Mack brought home her middle of term report today. ALL A's Baby!!! I am so proud and honsetly have no idea where She got her smarts from...........

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Blogger Idol

Yeah, that's right. Your's truly is auditioning for Blogger Idol  !!! And quite honestly, I am scared to death. I'm hoping to get some ideas to better my blog and expand my audience from this experience.

So, Y'all really need to support me in this!

My blog will be judged by 16 well respected fellow bloggers. And these prizes are AWESOME!!!

Grand prize is a Samsung Galaxy tab!!! Squeeeeee!!!!!!!  I want it so bad!!!

You can check out all the great prizes here >>>>>>> PRIZES 

You can follow all the blogging excitement on their twitter page here >>>>> Blogger Idol Twitter   or on their Facebook page here >>>>>  Blogger Idol   
Or follow their blog here >>>>>>> Blogger Idol

Just make sure that on the pages that you like that Ya let them know that I'm the one that sent you. ( Yeah I'm a big kiss ass like that)

Well on that note, I am going to go and try to figure out the PERFECT audition piece. Wish me luck :)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Hello Wall

Yeah, anymore, I would get more of a reaction by talking to this here wall, then trying to say ANYTHING to my children. Now I just want to ram my head into said wall.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I stay stressed, and keep a migraine.

I'm to the point where I dread weekends because that means that I am stuck with them all day.  Honestly, I really do not like my kids right now. Yes, I do love them, but I truly do not like them.

The 2 year old I understand. She is a baby and is learning new things everyday.

The 9 year old. She is okay at times. And in general does what I ask her to. Even if I do have to ask her 5 billion times, it does eventually get done.

My 6 year old is the problem. She NEVER listens to me. Flies into rages over the smallest things. Tells me that she HATES me, wishes I were dead, and that she wishes I wasn't her Mom on a daily basis. She is getting violent toward her sisters. And I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing fazes her. Ground her to her bedroom, she doesn't care. Time out is just a big joke to her. And I can whip her all day long and just goes back to do the same thing she got in trouble for to begin with. We have tried reward charts and bribing her. NOTHING works.

I'm seriously at the end of my rope.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Bitchy Wish List

       Since school has started back I have been a mess. I drag ass all day trying to wake up, then come 10pm when I actually can and WANT to sleep, I am wide awake. What is up with this? So for the past 14 days I have been running off of 3 hours of sleep a night. And let me tell you, I have been such a joy to be around! The kids and Hubster just love me being all bitchy, and snappy, gnashing my teeth and snarling at them over the slightest little thing. Spill a drink in my house? And you are likely to lose your head. Evidently I have been so bad, my 9 year old brought me my bottle of Ativan and instructed me to take 5 because I needed them for my attitude. Have I really been that bad? Yeah I have.

On the plus side, all this time NOT sleeping has given me plenty of time to search the inter-web for uber cute animals that I will one day procure.

So here we go...

1. I've had them before and I want more..... SUGAR GLIDERS

look how cute!!!

2. Chinchilla

Heehee they kinda look like Pikachu

3. Hedgehogs

I'd name it Sonic

4. Mouse Possum

A-Freeking dorable!!!

5. Teacup Piggy

I would take little Bacon everywhere with me!!!

6. Kinkajou

Come on, look at that little face. I know you want one too!!!

That about sums up my critter wish list for now.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Letter for Mom

I'm having a hard time lately . I miss My Mom so very much. So maybe writing a letter to her will help me some?

Dear Mommy,

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I miss you more than words can say. And the pain I still feel , even tho you have been gone for 4 years now is indescribable. I feel like there is a giant jagged hole in my heart.

I am sorry for so many things I said to you. And I wish I could take them all back. I wish I could have been a better daughter. I wish I had spent more time with you. And hadn't been such a selfish little shit. I know now, looking at my own daughters, you only did what you did because you wanted me to be a better person.

I wish I could have had a few more years with you. Not just for me, but for the girls.
Mackenzie was your little Squeaky. And she was so close to you. I wish you were here to see what a beautiful, smart little girl she has become.

Breanna, well what can I say about her. She is rotten. But she really does have a big heart.

And then there is Victoria, we call her Tori for short. We named her after you. And you would love her so much.

I wish you could have met Donald. You would love him! He is so good to me and the kids. He saved me.  I was such a mess after the accident. Doing things that I shouldn't have been doing. And he got me away from all that. We never fight. He is truly my soul mate.

Mommy, I'm tired. I am tired of hurting. Tired of crying. I want you here with us like you should be. I just don't know what to do. I am so lost with out you.

There are days that I wish that me and the girls had been in the car with you. Then we could still all be together. And there are nights that I hope that I won't wake up in the morning, just so that I can be with you again. But I never want the girls to know the pain that I'm in. I just couldn't do that to them.

I hope you and Dad, and Papaw are having a good reunion there in Heaven. I miss him too. Please tell him that we love him.

All I know is that I want my Mommy! I need you here with me. I'm really not strong enough to do this without you.

I just want you to know, that I love you with all my heart and I always will. And I miss you.



Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Name Change PLEASE!!!

Well it's one of them days.

You know, when you here MOMMY!!!!!????!!! All damn day long.

I love my kids, but there are some days where I just want to string them up by their baby toes.

rambling of a crazy lady

Yeah, and lately I am feeling the tree part.

So this is my first UNMEDICATED blog. Yep Peeps ya hurd me. Joni is off her crazy pills. So sit back , buckle up, and keep all appendages in the tram at all times, because this is gonna be one crazy ass ride.

Why yes, yes I am. I am an expert on crazy. And crazy knows crazy!

Ok so this blog right here that your reading really doesn't have a point to it. I'm sure it did when I started with the dog and the tree, but somehow I lost my train of thought. In fact I'm positively sure that I have this whole earth shattering , life altering blog that was well written AND insightful all mapped out in my head. I just know I did. And it just disappeared

Well ain't that some crazy shit right there?

Who forgets what they were going to write about?

Oh yeah.... DUH that would be me.

See what happens when I get off my meds.

I got all dicombobulated. And easily distracted. .

Like, I love shiny things because, well they are shiny, and unmedicated Joni is simple like that and likes all things shiny.

So it may be awhile before I get back to my uber important writing, about the peniles, and boobies, and crazy grocery shopping.

Oh did I tell ya'll what I did today? Nope I sure didn't. I went shopping with the littles. I go into my purse to get my wallet, and pull out a handful of DVD's. Not even sure how they got there but I am fairly certain that the 2 year old little did it.

I miss my crazy pills :(

No I don't the unmedicated me is a hoot. I think? Yeah I am.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


There are times in my life where I just want to give up. Run away and never come back. Crawl into a hole and just cease to exist. And these past few days I have felt just like that.

Between my health problems, bills, and the stress of being a stay at home Mommy, there are times I feel like just giving up.

I'm sure the biggest contributor to how I have been feeling was the 4 year angelversary of my parents this past Sunday. I pretty much stayed in bad all day and cried. And that is all I have wanted to do since then.
I think about them everyday. And lately it feels as if my heart is being ripped in 2. The loss of them is more painful than any of my health problems have ever been. And I have no clue how to heal my soul. Not sure that I want to. I don't ever want to forget them or what they ment to me.

On top of that. I recently found out that they believe that I have cervical cancer. Which is super scary to me. I haven't had my lady time since May, and the Doc doesn't even know why.

Mackenzie's migraines are getting worse. So her pediatrician wants to start doing cranial massage once a week to see if it helps improve them. And of course as a mother I have the worst possible reasons for her migraines going through my head.

So yeah right now, I want to call it a game and quit................

Friday, August 17, 2012


I am not a perfect parent. I have never claimed to be. But do know this I love my children with everything that is in me, and everything I do is for them.

But I do have regrets. I wish I had found the wonderful man that I have in my life now a lot sooner than I did. And then maybe my girls wouldn't have been stuck with the " father "  they got.

Mac, and Bree are the best things that came out of that disaster of a marriage.

I put up with a lot of BS to try to remain a family because it's what I thought my kids needed at the time.

I went through physical, mental, and sexual abuse at the hands of that man. I hated him for years before I got away from him.

H never once helped care for the kids while we were married. All of his money went to his pot habit. And even now, he does not try to see them or pay child support.

When Mac was 3 and Bree was 1 he tried to kill us. I was driving 80 miles an hour down the interstate and he tried to pull the emergency brake on the car. Yet he cares about his kids is what he told the judge at our last court hearing. If he really cared , would he try to do something like that?

Yet, he won't let them go. D wants to adopt them so badly. He is their Daddy. He is the one that cares for and supports them.

My biggest regret is calling 911 and saving Justin's life. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have called. The brain surgeon told me then if I had waited an hour longer to call that he would have been dead. And honestly if I could go back in time and do it all over? I would have stayed at m,y friend A's house a little longer, and never called.

He would be dead and my life would be peaceful.

My kids would never have to know how much he doesn't care for him, and how much he hates me and wants to make my life Hell.

They do not deserve this.

They deserve a Daddy that loves them and would do anything for them.

Why won't he just let go?

Don't we have the right to be happy?