Thursday, October 2, 2014

Those are my Babies

     Morgan, Alexis, Sage, Samantha, and Hannah. Yep those are my babies. Okay, I did not give birth to any of them, but I look at them all and see my own daughters. I see my children in their eyes. The only difference between my children and these young ladies... my children are still here with me. Do you think even one of the families directly linked to these girls thought that their little girl would come up missing or even worse murdered? No! No one ever thinks that  something like this will shatter their own family. People think, it won't happen to us, that sort of thing happens to other people. But... what happens when you become those other people that these things happen to? What do you do? Do you roll into a ball and just give up? Or do you become an advocate to bring notice to other missing girls and educate other young people that there are very real risks in this world?

     I do not know much about Sage or Samantha's parents and family. I would like to, I would love to see how they are since their babies vanished. Are they okay? Are they still looking? Are they silently raising awareness?

     Then we see Morgan's parents Dan and Gil, and Alexis' family. Dan and Gil started Help Save the Next Girl. A wonderful organization that is a HUGE advocate of victims and such a great  support to the families. Alexis' family is involved with HSTNG.

     And now we have Hannah's parents. Going through the same thing as many other families. Not knowing where their daughter is. could you imagine the pain?

    Dan and Gil are by far the strongest people I have ever seen. The man charged with abducting Hannah is linked to the death and disappearance of Morgan. Instead of being shattered all over again, they are so concentrated on finding Hannah. And we will find her! I can feel it! Whether she is still alive or has drifted over to a much better place. To me Hannah is a hero. Because of her, there is a Monster off the street ( I won't even say his name, he isn't worth it and all he wants is this attention). She has saved countless more girls and families from going through this heart break.

   What can we do to save our children? We can educate and make them aware. We bring these beautiful, wonderful little people into this world. Raise them the best that we can in the hopes that we are preparing them for the real world and that one day that they will change it. And they can and do in their own way. The sad fact is that for every beast they take off the streets that are praying on our children, there are 2 more to replace them.

     I remember being a teenager, I remember my 20's. I did a lot of stupid things, and learned lessons from them. I participated in underage drinking and wondered around town alone and drunk. I was raped. Looking back, I'm lucky that is all that happened to me. It could have been so much worse.

    My children are still young, but there will come a day when they are out and about on their own. A time that I won't be there to watch after them to make sure they are safe. And I am petrified of that day! So in the meantime I am teaching them to to care for themselves in the safest way possible. I know that they will stumble and make mistakes. That they will think they are to old to listen to old Mom. But I hope these things will stick with them. Just because I do not think I can be like Dan and Gil. I wouldn't be able to advocate. My world would be shattered and I would just cease to exist.

   But for now, I am advocating! I am doing all I can to help HSTNG. To support Hannah's family and the efforts to bring her home! She NEEDS to be home! All of these children need to be brought home! Not just for their families but for all of us. Because they are OUR children!

Personal safety for everyone:

  • Travel in groups to avoid being out alone
  • Always use the buddy system
  • Always have at least one person not drinking to safely escort you
  • Know your environment
  • Stay alert
  • Keep your belongings close to you
  • Don't be a woman!!! (As in woman are often sympathetic and easily fall prey to the woe as me act)
  • Make sure roommates/family know where you are at all times and who you are with

Those are just a few tips

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


As someone who had many friends and has herself been in an abusive relationship the #WhyIstayed, #WhyIleft has really hit close to home. People are quick to pass blame on the victim. You here a lot of that you deserve it for not being smart enough to leave, for not being strong enough to get out of a volatile relationship. Sorry people things aren't always so cut and dried and black and white. There are a lot of grey area's in these relationships. You can not see into our hearts and minds. My first marriage did not start with physical abuse. We were married for 6 months when I found myself pregnant. That is when things started turning bad. Not yet physical. Emotional and verbal was the starting point to my decent into Hell. When you hear on a daily basis that you are fat, and ugly and a waste of space, you eventually start to believe it. By the time I had my 2nd daughter I had no self confidence at all. From hearing all day everyday that I could never get any better than him and that no man would want a fat ass with 2 small children I believed it. I thought I could change things. That if I were a better wife, a better mother that maybe he would turn back into the man I had first met. I was separated from my family and friends, because he deemed them all to be "trash". When my 2nd daughter was 6 months things started getting physical. He would come home and the living room would be a mess. Which would result in an argument about having 2 small children in the house and that they needed to come before the cleaning, which would lead to me getting pushed or hit. Then he would cry and apologize and promise that it would never happen again. And ya know what? I believed him every time. I thought I could change him by becoming what he wanted me to be. But no matter what I did, it was never enough. I thought I could love him through it, and that one day he would see what he was doing to me was wrong. Every hit, slap, and push was because I did this or I did that. I made him do it with my behavior. And I believed it. Not because I was weak, but because over the course of 2 1/2 years he had brain washed me into thinking that way. The last thing that started was the sexual abuse.I had a 2 children, was then working full time and was running on little sleep. When I did sleep I would be woke up to him rolling me over pushing my face into the pillow and anally raping me. Crying, screaming, and thrashing about did nothing more than anger him. I was lost and confused. My whole life I was told that Divorce was a sin. That those vows I took with him were sacred and never to be broken. Till death do us part meant just that. Death. And I just knew that I would be the one to finally break free.That one day he would be so angry that he would kill me. And I made peace with that. I was ready to move on from this life to the next.

My main turning point was 3 months before my Parent's car accident. He had been in the ICU at the hospital for an extended amount of time then. He wasn't there to tell me what I can or can't do. I was happy, the kids were happy, life was good. I remember seeing the look on my daughters faces when I was going to take them to see  him at the hospital. they didn't want to go. They were afraid he would hurt me again. I knew then that this was my chance to get away. Make a clean break. This was my Divine intervention, a sign from God. I packed up all his shit put it on the curb for trash pick up and me and the kids moved in with my Mom. And it was great. I had my family and friends back. The people he deemed as "trash" were the ones to hold me up when I stumbled. I didn't feel as alone anymore. After the accident they are the ones that took care of me, and gave me a shoulder to cry on. 10 months after the accident I met Hubby.

It was weird to say the least. I didn't know how scarred I was from the marriage to the Ex. I walked on egg shells afraid that Hubby would be the same way. That the slightest thing would set him off as well. They never did. Over time my mental wounds have somewhat healed. I will always have scars on my heard from what I went through, but I know what it is like to really love and be loved. I know that what I had with the Ex is NOT what love should be.

It was a long road but where I am now is a great place to be. I don't have to live in fear anymore.

Now think about that before you judge someone for staying when you think they should leave. It takes time to get to that place. And by the time you are there you think that staying is the right thing to do. Just be there for your friends, and family members. Trust me, they will get to the point where they are ready for better things.

Friday, June 27, 2014

What did I just see?

Over the years I have learned a great deal about who I want to be.  More so since having my girls. Being a Mom has been the most life changing thing ever. And because of them I want to be a good role model. I have always been strong-willed and for the most part self sufficient. My happiness does not revolve around who is around me. This is MY life and My job to secure my happiness. I though most women felt this way. I was playing around on Facebook earlier and a post from a friend caught my eye. (Do you have those people that as soon as you see their name you want to spork yourself in the eyes because you know they are babbling about non-sensical, Oh woe as me shit? Well this is the person for me)

I saw this and I wanted to swish bleach around in my head to flush out the stupid I just read. This young Lady has a 5 year old daughter. What kind of example is she setting for this young child? This is co-dependent bull shit! I'm sorry but in your life you control your happiness. Your happiness does not depend on who or what you have around you. And to depend on a fucking man to be happy?!?! Don't get me wrong, I love my Hubby, he is my best friend and I am happy when he is around, but do I depend on him for my happiness? FUCK NO!!! Men are good for 4 things... Sex, fixing broke shit, killing spiders, and the occasional conversation. And honestly, Hubby makes me the happiest when he is fixing something and KILLS a spider at the same time!!! Then I reward him with sex. This means I trained him properly. 

If for some wacked out reason, you believe that you can only be happy with a man, you seriously need to reevaluate your life. Why not use this "man free" time to find yourself? Find what makes you happy? Spend time with your child make lasting memories with her? And not go out man hunting to try and replace the one that just left. When you do this and you have a child people view you as a selfish man hungry whore! Seriously.... It's time to grow up. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Just gonna put this out there

     I will be the first person to admit that sometimes I have major parenting fails. Like perhaps watching my language around the Little's. This has come back to bite me in the ass just this week. Little Little had Pre-K graduation. She was so stinking cute up on that little outdoor stage getting her certificate. That is until she dropped it and yelled out "What the Hell". Yep my precious, angel faced 4 year old cursed on school property in front of the school principal, other parents, and her classmates. I'm tellin ya, I just wanted to crawl under that bench and die.

I'm just going to say this... Sometimes, okay in my case most of the time kids ARE assholes!

    Take my older 2. Think 1 is 10 going on 25. She has such a smart assed and sassy attitude. I swear I would get more of a reaction talking to a damn wall. Then we have Thing 2, who God forbid you ask her to do ANYTHING,, and I mean anything. And she throws a massive fit like you are trying to remove a major body organ without anesthesia. Seriously. Hey, Thing 2, can you please pick up four flip flop so psycho dog doesn't eat it...... massive screaming crying fit, so I do it and she is fine.

     See kids are assholes, and that's being nice about it, honestly if you have daughters, the term BITCH flies through your brain many times a day.

     I don't know where they get this from. I have noticed Thing 1 and 2 are much much worse behaving when they return from their sperm donors on the weekend he decides to , ya know actually be a semi Dad.

And people wonder why I drink..... MORE wine please STAT!!!

I Volunteer - MCM

Of course I am still on my Dani kick. I mean what is there to not love about him? I recently learned that not only does he love kids... but he wants a baby. So being the wonderful person I am, I volunteer!!!

I mean seriously! I have a list of reasons he should choose me to be the Mother of his Russian spawn  babies. Of course I insist that we do this the old fashioned way. And with my current fertility issues we might have to do the deed 24/7 for what could be years. But that is a sacrifice that I am willing to make.

I mean it. Look at that face!!! It's going to be hard work, but I will do what is needed for the good of the world.

Here is my wonderful list as to why he should procreate with me!!!

  • I have YEARS of Mommy experience 
  • I loved being pregnant
  • I am actually less bitchy while pregnant (so not only would he be getting the baby that he wants, but would be bettering the world by making one bitchy woman less bitchy)
  • I make super cute kids (well little girls, but I'm sure a boy would be cute too)
  • Together we would make an awful perty baby!!!

                               ^^^^^ See I research before the deed to make sure. 

And that my Lovelies is why I should be chosen to have Danila's babies!!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Wait for it

It's Wednesday Bitches!!!

We had a metric fuckton of things to do do today. Bills to pay. All that good shit. And of course I got a late start. Older Little's missed the bus. Mainly because the bus runs at 6:45 and I didn't roll out of bed till 7:38 this morning. they had to be at school before 8:30. Rolled into the parking lot at 8:28. I literally told then to tuck and roll out the door. Me and Little diva then went and paid all the bills. And of course after spending all of Hubbies hard earned money on the essentials like power and Dish, we had to get a Bubblecake fix. Holy orgasmic cupcakes!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Man Crush Monday!!!!!

I hate Mondays. It's the day where I have so much to get started on. Between housework, schoolwork, work work, and the Little's I never get anything done. So to brighten everyone's day I'm putting up more eye candy!

Liam Hemsworth!!!

Ian Somerhalder

Jenson Ackles

Brett Michaels

Johnny Depp!!!

Norman Reddus (Aka Daryl)

Channing Tatum

And of course DANILA KOZLOVSKY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who still isn't following me on Twitter.... I now haz a sad :(