Sunday, June 3, 2012

Am I old?

I seem to have misplaced my sense of adventure.

I am perfectly content staying at home with the kiddo's.

This is a HUGE change for me. It was just a few years ago that I used to go bar hopping during the week, and out clubbing every weekend. I would take the kids to the sitter in a heartbeat just to go out and have some fun.

Now, I just want to sleep. And have a strict bed time of 11pm. Where as my friends ( who are my age ) now leave to go out at my bed time.

I think my last time out traumatized me.

It was new years. This year to be exact. I decided to go out with my friend A and her husband.

The evening started out great. I put on my best hooker wear. We went bar hopping. Then it happened. A decided we needed to go to a party.

Said party was at a local hotel ( should have ran then ).

We get inside, and I find out it's a damn SWINGER party!!!

If I were a single gal this would have been a pretty nifty experience. But now that I'm married again, I have no desire to share my goodies with anyone else.

There were half naked people all over the place, doing things that should never be done with an audience present. ( and these weren't attractive naked people AT ALL). Picture Dude's stuck in 70's attire, with their shirts half un-bottoned and a Forrest of chest hair.  Wrinkly old women. All grouping and grinding on the dance floor.

I admit there were some cool games. Some I even took part in. Like the pole dance game ( I took 2nd place in that one), would have won it if I had took some clothes off like the icky thing that won did. They even had a ring toss.......... where you threw rings on some guys erect penis. Wow! Fun times! But I have bad aim, but then again my target wasn't that big.

Then we went upstairs. ( The Swingers had a private hotel room to do God knows what in), and we wanted to see what it was about. I have permanent scars from this. Inside... there was a hot tub and a sauna, and everywhere you looked there were chubby, naked, wrinkly old women. I was so scared.

If I want to see boobies, I will carry my ass to the Titty bar! Which I plan on doing sometime this month. Who says a straight gal can't like a good pair of knockers. It may because I am lacking in that department. So this is my way of window shopping.

Now, when A asks me to go out. I always say I can't go. I just can't get tricked like that again. I need intensive therapy to get over what I witnessed.

A seems to think that I'm old and that's why I don't ever want to go out anymore.

If that's the case I'm old and I'm proud of it.

Maybe I need to find a nice church group to go out with? Then I could be the bad influence and call everyone else old and a Fuddy Duddy.

But until that day, I will live up to the title as the old boring friend...........................

1 comment:

  1. OMG Joni, that is hilarious. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. I hope you've recovered from the experience. :)