Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I just don't know

So I have been gone for awhile. My Papaw passed away last Thursday. I got the call that morning that they wanted the whole family together at the hospital. We were told there was nothing more that they could do for him, and that the machines were doing everything for him. So, we took him off the life support. He was gone in less than 5 minutes.

I still can't believe this. My Papaw was my Hero. The only constant male figure in my life, and just like that he's gone.

I know I should be happy for him. He is on the otherside with my Mommy. He is no longer hurting.

But DAMMIT THIS IS MY PAPAW!! I may be a selfish bitch, but I want him here with us. We need him.

I feel so much guilt. I don't remember the last time I told him that I loved him. His birthday was the 29th of March ( he turned 69). And I had every intention to call and wish him happy birthday, but somehow I forgot and never did. I am such an awful Granddaughter .

Maybe if he had had the surgery sooner his body would have been stronger.

I feel abandoned, and heartbroken.

I love and miss him so much.

Kinda like my Mommy, I don't think I will ever get over this.

I just don't know what to do

I don't know what to think

I don't know what to feel

I just don't know.

I love you Papaw

Charles Roger Hupman
March 29, 1943 - April 12, 2012


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