Well this week the lovely folks over at Blogger Idol have engineered a new play at home challenge. A day in your life.... as the opposite sex. Heehee so here we go.
I rolled over at 5:25AM this morning to smash the alarm clock against the wall. Who the fuck does it think it is? I have no right getting up at this ungodly hour. I stomp to the bathroom to use the lil" girls room and low and behold I HAVE A PENIS!!! This is friggin awesome I think to myself. I have ALWAYS wanted a penis of my own. I stand in front of the toilet admiring my new appendage. Then it occurs to me..... I have no idea how it works. I forgo my need to piss to google just how one uses such a thing. But there were no how to videos on YouTube teaching a used to be squatter how to take a proper leak standing up. So I go for it, and let me tell you , that shit is hard. I completely missed my target and hit the ceiling. Thankfully as a used to be vagina owner I know the proper ways to get urine off the wall and ceiling.
Onward to wake the children up to get ready for school. My usual high pitched get the hell up took about 20 minutes to result in them even starting to stir. My man voice, they were out of that bed in 2 seconds flat.
I go to gently wake the Hubby up for work... Let's just say that didn't end well.
I shoo everyone out the door and start on my daily activities.
Shower... check. Spent much longer getting clean than usual. Having a penis and balls sure is different. My regular girly panties didn't fit right. So I went commando.
Somehow no matter what I was doing my hands always found their way into my pants to fondle my new body part.
The older kids get home from school and were pure hell children. Normally punishing them is a giant pain in the ass. But since I now have a dick, they snap to attention like never before.
I feed the kids and it's off to bed.
I fall blissfully asleep holding my newest addition.
"Mom, Mom, WAKE UP!!"
What the fuck?!?! Don't tell me I dreamed all that.....