Friday, August 17, 2012
I am not a perfect parent. I have never claimed to be. But do know this I love my children with everything that is in me, and everything I do is for them.
But I do have regrets. I wish I had found the wonderful man that I have in my life now a lot sooner than I did. And then maybe my girls wouldn't have been stuck with the " father " they got.
Mac, and Bree are the best things that came out of that disaster of a marriage.
I put up with a lot of BS to try to remain a family because it's what I thought my kids needed at the time.
I went through physical, mental, and sexual abuse at the hands of that man. I hated him for years before I got away from him.
H never once helped care for the kids while we were married. All of his money went to his pot habit. And even now, he does not try to see them or pay child support.
When Mac was 3 and Bree was 1 he tried to kill us. I was driving 80 miles an hour down the interstate and he tried to pull the emergency brake on the car. Yet he cares about his kids is what he told the judge at our last court hearing. If he really cared , would he try to do something like that?
Yet, he won't let them go. D wants to adopt them so badly. He is their Daddy. He is the one that cares for and supports them.
My biggest regret is calling 911 and saving Justin's life. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have called. The brain surgeon told me then if I had waited an hour longer to call that he would have been dead. And honestly if I could go back in time and do it all over? I would have stayed at m,y friend A's house a little longer, and never called.
He would be dead and my life would be peaceful.
My kids would never have to know how much he doesn't care for him, and how much he hates me and wants to make my life Hell.
They do not deserve this.
They deserve a Daddy that loves them and would do anything for them.
Why won't he just let go?
Don't we have the right to be happy?