Pain Management = Pain in ASS!!!!

So I had an appointment with my pain management Doc today. (joy, joy)

I hate these visits for a number of reasons.

First of all, I already feel like death warmed over when I go to see them,  then they poke and prod my tender areas asking if it hurts.... WTF do they think? Noooo I'm just here for shits and giggles and I get off on excess pain!!!

Then they always go into this whole monologue about how to better manage my Fibromyalgia pain... ie reduce stress ( REALLY?!?!?! you try having 3 kids, and reducing your stress) , exercise ( I would but my body hurts like a mofo ), get more sleep ( ok sure that will work with 3 kids that like to get up at the butt crack of dawn, and a 2 year old that has no idea what a decent hour is)......... And it goes on and on!!! I would love to do all these things, but I just can't do it.

Then she recommends acupuncture..................  Are you crazy lady?!?!?!  I have watched the acupuncture episode of 1,000 ways to die, so no thank you!!!

On to my herniated disc in my lower spine. After pushing on it, she decided I need yet another MRI.... Yay!!!

And then she gives me a lower back TENS unit. Yep that's my way of being pain free. Let's send little electrical shocks to my spine and see if it helps. It did not help. in fact it caused me more back pain, and now, that disc is swollen , radiating heat, and I am in more pain that I have been in in a looong time.

On top of all that super fun stuff, I had a migraine when I went in. Sooo being the helpful person that she is, she gave me some kind of shot in my ASS, and now it hurts to sit..... Way to be helpful Doc!!!


I just wonder what the point of all this is? I know what hurts me, so it is your job to fix me and manage my fucking pain!!! Hello!!!! You are a PAIN MANAGEMENT Doc, not a pain causing one. So do your damn job!!!

I just want to be able to go out and do things like I used to. And it would really be nice to be able to sit.................................................

Summer Fun VS Summer from Hell

So the kiddo's get out of school in 2 days.

Which leaves me to trying to figure out what to do with them 24/7 for a whole Summer.

I wanted to make this the "Summer "o" Crafts", but honestly I'm not really all that creative.

I think there will be simple art's and craft's days. Where we will paint rocks for my garden, or make tye dye t-shirts.

I really need to get on pinterest to look for more ideas.

I'm sure there will be tons of pool days, and running around out side.

But the older 2 also seem to fight a lot ( as in non stop ) when they are around each other to much. So what am I supposed to do about that? And how am I supposed to find toddler friendly activities for Victoria while I am trying to try to keep Mackenzie and Breanna entertained?

I think a trip to Wal-Mart is in order. I need to stock up on glue, finger paints, construction paper, side walk chalk, and every other artsy thing I can kind for the kiddo's to keep entertained.

Does anyone have any ideas of fun things to do with the girls?

I am at a loss.

This is the first Summer in a long time that I will not get a break from them. The older 2's biological sperm donor used to get them for every other week during the Summer.

But that worthless piece of shit decided to call me yesterday and tell me that he can not get the girls at all over the Summer. Not even for weekend visitation. Really?!?! WTF!!!! I hate you and I hope you die. And I will be taking your sorry ass back to court.

Everything falls on me and Donald. Donald is not their father. He is their Daddy tho. So unlike my Ex piece of shit. Donald provides everything that the girls need or want!!!

Back to the topic at hand...... WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH 3 KIDS ALL SUMMER LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother's Day

I did not even realize that Mother's Day is this weekend. Until a few days ago.

This is when my first born told me that she was going to make it the best Mother's Day ever. I shuddered. What could a 8 almost 9 year old child come up with to make this the best ever?

Her answer? I am going to make you breakfast in bed AND clean the house And take care of my sisters.

Mountains of horrors entered my mind. Just what I want..... Runny eggs and raw bacon.... NOT
My house half assed cleaned, with everything shoved behind couches and under beds, dirt swept under the rugs. Yay, more cleaning on top of what I usually do. Not to mention the mayhem that will be sure to happen with her watching a 6 year old and a 2 year old. I pictured broken bones with a trip to the hospital from this excursion. Then on top of these wonderful promises of helpfulness she informed me that when I get old that she will put me in a home. But she will make sure it has a pool. I wonder where I failed her, making her want to do such a thing to me?

Then the Hubby comes home, and his plans for me? See above!!! I think they are in cahoots to send me to the mental asylum with a pretty white coat that I can hug myself with. He is just as responsible as my wonderful first born. He gets easily distracted by all things shiny and mechanical.

Why not use that skill for my gift Dear Hubby? My car does need a tune up and an oil change. And it's making a weird sound and vibrates when I hit the breaks. FIX MY M EFFIN CAR!!!!  Or better yet, why not take the kids out for the day, so that I can have peace and quiet to get the things I need to get done, DONE!!!

Have I not been a good wife and mother? Everyone gets fed, has clean clothes, and I do my wifely duties a few times a week no matter how bad I feel. I always handle the discipline  so that you can be the "good guy".

Or give me money, I like money , in fact I love money! No crappy flowers that are going to die , or chocolate that is going to make my ass expand more than it already has. No helping me out around the house, thus making MY job even harder. Just money or a mini vacation away from the spawn would be very much so appreciated.

But I am also a big softy for all things hand-made. I have plastered baby hands, and hand made cards out the wazoo. But I love them. My babies put so much thought into these that I will never be able to part with them.

If fact I love this card my oldest gave me today!!!

Country Life

Don't get me wrong , I love where we live.

We have no neighbors for 5 miles. The kids can go out side to play and I don't have to worry about someone nabbing them. We can be as loud as we want and not disturb a soul.

However there is a down side to living in the country.

1. The school bus runs at 6:45 am. Which means I have to get up at 3am ( well not get up, I don't actually move until 4:30), drink me some coffee, then get the kiddo's up at 5:30 so that they can eat breakfast, and get dressed.  If I lived in town... the bus doesn't run till 7:30.

2. BUGS..... I hate bugs. I am forever checking my kids and the dogs for ticks. And don't forget those big hairy spiders............ EEEEEK

3. God forbid something happen and we need an ambulance, it would take 45 minutes to get here.

4. Bears, yep had one in the back yard last night.

5. Coyotes...... You can here them laughing every night.

6. Shopping... It is a bitch!!! I have to drive 45 minutes to the nearest Wal-Mart

But all this is so worth it, knowing that my kids can come and go as they please and explore the woods.

Change

I never thought I was crazy until the good ol Doc confirmed that I'm Bi-polar and put me on happy pills.

I still have my mountains to climb. And medication doesn't always work.

My mental health has really been an up hill battle since August of 2008. I have made a lot of changes since then.

I used to think I was doing fine, and that I had to suffer through an abusive marriage in order to make it.

On August 19, 2008, my life as I knew it fell apart.

It was 3 days after Mackenzie's 5th birthday. I had finally gotten her to bed and asleep by 9:45. Breanna was still awake. My now Ex-Husband was in the hospital fighting for his life, and I had been trying to get a hold of my Mom and Dad since 6pm that evening. I remember seeing headlights in the drive way. I went out side with Bree , ready to lay into my Mommy for not answering my phone calls. It wasn't her. Instead it was 5 cop cars. I remember silently hoping that they were there to tell me that my Husband was dead. But deep down I knew the answer. My wonderful Mommy and loving Father were t-boned at 85 miles and hour and were both gone instantly.I remember hitting the drive way. My legs just couldn't hold me up. The next few days are a blur. I don't remember any of their funeral.

I went into a deep depression. I couldn't eat or sleep. I could barely function. I started doing pain pills. It was the only thing I could find that numbed my pain.

I didn't know what to do. My best friend and my biggest supporters were gone. What had I done to deserve losing the 2 people other than my kids that I needed the most?

I was on a downward spiral for almost a year. The only good thing I did at that  time was make sure my Ex-Husband NEVER came back into my home.

Then one day the clouds parted, or so it seems, and I met Donald.

I had given my Aunt temporary custody of Mackenzie and Breanna till I could better care for them. Cause to be honest I was barely taking care of myself.

In 6 months I had lost 85 pounds.

Back to meeting Donald. It was like finding my soul mate. I realized that I needed to pick my ass up out of the gutter and get back to where I need to be. Not for me, but for my kids. I had a reason to live again.

I got pregnant with Victoria after Donald and I had been together for 3 months. I quit doing pills, and brought Mack and Bree home.

Victoria was born with cleft lip and palate. She was a difficult baby. I couldn't breast feed her like the other 2. It took forever to find a bottle that worked for her. She has had 2 surgeries in her 2 short years on this earth.

Tori before surgery

Tori now

Dare Devil

When I was my children's ages I was quite timid.  Didn't have a brave bone in my body. I was perfectly content  hiding in my room, playing with barbies,coloring in books, and aggravating my parents. You could not pay me to climb a tree, jump off the side of a swimming pool ( I stayed in the safe shallow end then like I do now). I would not do anything that I perceived to be even the least bit dangerous. I always had a Mother's mind. I could fall out of the tree and break an arm, or sink in the deep water and drown, or wreck my bike and break my face riding down that big hill. I was a smart child that knew my limits. And much like I am now, I was accident prone.  I would walk into walls, slip and hit my head in the bath tub, fall out of bed or fall up stairs even at a young age. I was NEVER graceful or coordinated. 

My children are my complete opposites. 

I have sat and watched in utter horror as my older 2 have climbed trees, Telling them the whole time to get down before they fell and broke their arm. Because in my mind that is what was going to happen, and of course it didn't. Watched them with fear as they raced around at a friends house on 4-wheeler s and go-karts, just knowing that they were going to wreck, but they never did. Watched my oldest Diva ride EVERY roller coaster in a theme park, petrified that it was going to fly off it's tracks with my baby on board. Now my older 2 children did not start what I believe to be reckless behavior till they were around 4 or 5. 

My youngest is 2 and is already acting crazy. A true thrill junky. She is jumping from her table to the couch, climbing to the top of her dresser, and over the gate. She is my mini heart attack. 

What did I do to deserve children that want to put me into an early grave?

Do they make bubbles big enough to enclose all 3 into?

I keep telling my children what is going to happen if they keep doing these things. But they never happen. I can not wait till the day that I am right and one does fall out of that tree just so that I can say I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

Dare Devils........ Can't live with them, but what's a Momma to do?

Got the Fever?

You may not but I sure do.

I have the fever.

Baby fever that is.

I know, I know. all Ya'll are thinking, What is this dumb bitch thinking? She already has 3 kids!!!

That may be true, but they are all girls. I would love to have a little boy. I miss having a lil bitty baby to love and care for.

I loved being pregnant. (Even in the Summer time). Loved the way I looked and felt. And child birth really is not all that bad.

So I am now in full baby mode. Taking my temp EVERYDAY, checking my cervix EVERYDAY, and taking those ovulation tests EVERYDAY. On top of that I have introduced myself to all kinds of baby making vitamins.

This whole getting pregnant on purpose thing is new to me.

My 3 girls were all surprises.

I thought I had the flu with Mackenzie, I went to get put on birth control and found out with Breanna, and Tori , well I just didn't feel right with.

I have been attacking the poor Hub's for late nigh nookie every night for the past week. The way I figure it, I should be prego by next month at the rate I am going.

I have to get this done ASAP!!!

My shit is falling out of me, and the Doctors will not do the surgery to put my junk back into place until I am done having Mini Me's.

So, All Ya'll just wish me luck. :) I will keep ya posted !!!