Someone is out to get me....

I discovered this starting at 3 this morning. It started innocently enough. I was woken up by the call of nature need to pee. I crawl over Hubby ( I do this because it is the closest route to the bathroom, and because I'm mean like that ) and make it in record time. Still half asleep, I sit on the pot and let it loose. And what happened? Someone who shall remain nameless ( ok, it was me ), put the lid down on the toilet. And let me tell ya something. Pissing all over yourself AND the floor is a sure fire way to wake you up!

After taking a quick shower, I come into the living room to relax myself by playing some candy crush. I go to sit in my computer chair and am instantly froze into place by an irate cat from hell, that just happened to be in MY chair.  Why didn't I notice her? Because the bitch is the same color as said chair. She comoflagues herself when she is in t, just to attack me.  3 deep scratched and half a box of bandaids on my backside later, I am now ready to go back to bed. 

I make it safely into bed without disturbing the Hubs and fall blissfully back to sleep. Just to be woken up by Bailey. My sweet little puppy must have contracted some rare puppy Zombie virus. He went from sweet and fluffy to having an insatiable hunger for my flesh before I could do anything about it. 

( Yikes, that is a super creepy dog )

And now because my puppy has the hunger for flesh, I am quite possible missing fingers, toes, and ear lobes. 

I am now WIDE awake at 6am. 

The day HAD to get better from there right? WRONG! that is a big fat effing WRONG. 

From there, I have semi- electrocuted myself, fallen over the baby gate, up the front porch steps, down the back porch steps, walked into the wall 7 times, and managed to stab myself with a fork while doing dishes. 

Can I call a mulligan on today? I need a do over!