Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Lessons in Life

I have read quite a few articles and blogs lately pertaining to the Steubenville rape case.  So I will throw what I have to say out there as well.

As a Mother to 3 beautiful little girls, it is my job to try to teach them how to not get raped. Or abducted and murdered.  Strength in numbers, if you see someone suspicious walk the other way. If you feel even the slightest bit threatened scream, stay in well lit crowded areas.

I remember hearing about Morgan Harrington, a local Va Tech student that went missing from a Metallica concert at UVA, whose body was later found in a field. I remember hearing this drunk girl, went outside ALONE at this concert and was never seen again. All I could think was, why didn't she use the buddy system? She should have known better.

Sometimes tho, you can do all the right things and still have it happen.

When I was 17, my friend's A and P had an apartment. I used to stay with them all the time. P had a group of friends over. I knew most of them and thought they were nice guys. They had been drinking. One of the guys was looking at me and A all night long and quite honestly he was weirding us out. Me and A decide to go to bed. We go to her bedroom and LOCK the door to keep everyone out. The whole situation just felt wrong to us. Now, I sleep like the dead. People used to joke how I could sleep through a tornado. I remember falling asleep and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I opened my eyes and this dude was on top of me, with his hand over my nose and mouth, he was IN me!!! I freaked out. I bit the shit out of his hand and threw him off of me. I ran out of the house, where I found A sitting under a tree crying. He had touched her too. I went back in the house and took P's car keys and we ( basically stole ) took her car and went to my brother's house. He in turn drug us to the hospital. This was by far the worst experience of my life. I had to tell what happened to the hospital staff, and the local police department. I had to have a rape kit done! I was violated TWICE in one night. We thought we were safe in a locked bedroom. We hadn't been drinking! I leave the hospital and go back to my brothers house. I remember standing in a scalding hot shower and scrubbing my skin till it bleed. I just couldn't get clean enough. Charges were pressed, then the calls start. A family member of our attacker was calling us and threatening to kill us if we went to court. The police wouldn't do anything about it. 4 months later we go to court, and once again have to tell a room of strangers what had happened. It was humiliating! And all he got was PROBATION!!!

When I was 20 I married my first husband. At the time, I had thought he was Mr.Perfect. Then I met the real him. It started out as mental and emotional abuse, then turned to physical, and then sexual. He would wait till I was asleep roll me over, push my head into a pillow so that no one could hear me screaming or crying and anally rape me. Out girls were less than 15 feet away when this happened!

I have emotional scars from my experiences. I can not sleep with my back toward hubby out of fear that the same thing will happen again.

So when I hear about people DEFENDING rapist, I am outraged. Rape is rape. It does not matter if you are a young drunk girl, a sober girl that thought she was doing the right thing to keep her safe, or a married woman. It is wrong no matter the circumstance.

And they know what they are doing is wrong! Perhaps they were raised thinking they can have whatever they want, and that no doesn't mean no.

What it say about our society when we defend the rapist/murderer, and not the crime victim?

Would you want someone defending your child's attacker?

Shouldn't we be raising our children with a higher moral standard that what we were raised?

Shouldn't we be teaching our young to be more caring and empathetic?

If we don't start now is there even a sliver of hope for humanity?

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